Why we did it this way
How We Named Handsome Fucker (And Why We Didn't Blink)
25 July 2026 · 4 min read
Safe brands pay for attention. We decided the products should introduce themselves like they'd already had two pints.
There's a version of this brand that plays nice. Soft greens. Serif fonts. Names like 'Forge' and 'Timber' and 'Essential Daily Moisture Complex Number Seven.' We could have done that. We would have been invisible by Tuesday.
Instead we named the face oil Handsome Fucker. The chest gloss The Rug Rub. The anti-chafe balm Groin & Glide. If that makes you wince, Civil is down the hall. If it makes you laugh and then want to try it — that's the point.
The names aren't random shock. They're a filter. They tell you who this is for and who it isn't. They also tell you we're confident enough in the formula to put a ridiculous label on serious juice. If the oil was mid, the names would be a liability. Because it isn't, they're a billboard.
We did get the usual notes. 'Will Meta ban this?' 'What about wholesale?' 'What about my mum?' Valid questions. Ads will be a dance. Some shelves won't stock us. Your mum might prefer Civil. That's fine. We're not trying to be everyone's bathroom guest.
We're trying to be unforgettable for the right bastards — the ones tired of being sold grooming like they're made of porcelain. The naming is the handshake. The oil is the friendship. Get those backwards and you've got a novelty gift. Get them the right way round and you've got a gang.
So no, we didn't blink. We printed the labels. We owned the joke. And we backed it with a founder guarantee so aggressive it includes an apology letter to your mother-in-law. Confidence looks like that when your product's actually good.