Community · Purpose · Pelts

The Hairy Bastards Movement

More than oil. A gang with a purpose.

Numbered Founding Bastards. Loyalty stamps. Stag chaos. Barber cuts. Uni kits. Tour nights. And CALM getting 10% of profits when we make money. Beard optional. Showing up isn't.

Claim Founding NumberNot got a beard?

Pelt Passport

Stamp your way in.

Five stamps. Real perks. No plastic card that dies in the wash — your Founding number is the passport.

  1. 01

    Join the queue

    Founding Bastard number issued

  2. 02

    First oil drop

    Unlock 10% off merch

  3. 03

    Wear the emblem

    Tee, hoodie or cap ordered

  4. 04

    Bring a bastard

    Successful referral

  5. 05

    Pelt complete

    Founding Bastard badge + early drops forever

Subscription

Shave Free Club

From £22/month

  • — Monthly Arsenal or Civil bottle (your call)
  • — Free delivery baked in
  • — 10% profits still hit men's mental health
  • — Cancel anytime — no awkward break-up call

Coming with the first oil drop

Travel Minis

Pocket-size Handsome Fucker, Rug Rub and Groin & Glide. Kit bag, hand luggage, overnight at hers. Same juice, less commitment.

Event kit

Stag / Wedding Pack

£120

Chaos for the lads. Diplomacy for the in-laws. One checkout, zero explanations required from you.

  • — 5× replica beards (ginger or dark mix)
  • — 1× Heavyweight Tee for the groom/stag
  • — 1× Civil Face & Beard Oil for the father-in-law
  • — Explain-this-to-your-mum cards for the whole table

Beard of the Week

Real or replica. We don't discriminate.

Tag your pelt. Winner gets merch + eternal glory (and mild humiliation). Drop your handle — we'll chase the photo when socials are live.

Dog & Bone Tour

Sample nights. Sticky carpets. Film everything.

Manchester

TBC back-room boozer

Launch month

London

TBC — somewhere sticky

Launch month

Glasgow

TBC

Soon after

Your local

Pitch us a Dog & Bone

Ongoing

Order insert

Explain this to your mum cards

Every order ships with a card so you don't have to. Gift the oil. Hand over the card. Walk away.

Dear Mum / Mother-in-law,

This is moisturiser. Expensive moisturiser. For his face / chest / …elsewhere.

The rude name is a joke. The oil is not.

If you'd rather the polite version, ask for Civil — same formula, boring label.

Love, The Hairy Bastards

P.S. 10% of profits go to men's mental health. We're not entirely animals.

Referral

Bring a bastard.

Claim your Founding number below, copy your referral link, send it to a mate. Both of you get early-drop energy and a Pelt Passport stamp when they join.

Get my referral code

Partners

Barber Affiliate

20% of referred oil sales

You tame the pelts. We oil them. Get a code, drop cards on the counter, earn a cut when your lot joins the gang.

Bulk

Uni & Sports Club Packs

Replica beards for initiations, tour kits, derby days. Bulk pricing, custom note, optional tee add-on. Email clubs@ when we're live — for now, reserve on the queue.

  • — 10–50 replica beards
  • — Optional tees
  • — Club shout-out on socials

The 10% pledge

Profits → CALM

Campaign Against Living Miserably. Intended partner for the 10% profits pledge — formal tie-up when the first cheques go out.

Visit CALM